d by many, we fear by most, parents, is
little else than that of venting their anger in the way that first
suggests itself. The slaps, and rough shakings and sharp words, with
which a mother commonly visits her offspring's small offences (many of
them not offences considered intrinsically), are generally but the
manifestations of her ill-controlled feelings--result much more from the
promptings of those feelings than from a wish to benefit the offenders.
But by pausing in each case of transgression to consider what is the
normal consequence, and how it may best be brought home to the
transgressor, some little time is obtained for the mastery of yourself;
the mere blind anger first aroused settles down into a less vehement
feeling, and one not so likely to mislead you.

Do not, however, seek to behave as a passionless instrument. Remember
that besides the natural reactions to your child's actions which the
working of things tends to bring round on him, your own approbation or
disapprobation is also a natural reaction, and one of the ordained
agencies for guiding him. The error we have been combating is that of
_substituting_ parental displeasure and its artificial penalties, for
the penalties which Nature has established. But while it should not be
_substituted_ for these natural penalties, we by no means argue that it
should not, in some form, _accompany_ them. Though the _secondary_ kind
of punishment should not usurp the place of the _primary_ kind; it may,
in moderation, rightly supplement the primary kind. Such amount of
sorrow or indignation as you feel, should be expressed in words or
manner; subject, of course, to the approval of your judgment. The kind
and degree of feeling produced in you will necessarily depend on your
own character; and it is therefore useless to say it should be this or
that. Nevertheless, you may endeavour to modify the feeling into that
which you believe ought to be entertained. Beware, however, of the two
extremes; not only in respect of the intensity, but in respect of the
duration, of your displeasure. On the one hand, avoid that weak
impulsiveness, so general among mothers, which scolds and forgives
almost in the same breath. On the other hand, do not unduly continue to
show estrangement of feeling, lest you accustom your child to do without
your friendship, and so lose your influence over him. The moral
reactions called forth from you by your child's actions, you should as
much as pos