y of existing. If they can't have what they
want, they will take what they don't want; they will take what they
hate, and grin--yes, they will grin and bear it. And after a little
while, because they become gradually drunk with suffering, they begin to
think they are noble. They are not noble. They are fools, fools, fools!"

"I shan't accept make-shifts," answered Brigit. "I intend to keep all my
ideals, but they are all unfinished at present. I have just the outlines
and beginnings of them--nothing else."

"I am not talking about ideals. I am speaking of realities. I don't want
to be happy, but I do wish to be one of four things: either perfectly
alive, or perfectly, utterly dead; either a pure spirit, or a faultless
animal. This dead-and-alive, body-and-soul mixture which passes for a
well-disciplined human being is loathsome to me. It is a tissue of lies
and hypocrisies."

"Perhaps I should have that feeling, too, if I had no faith in God. He
assumed humanity--not despising it."

"You know I do not believe that splendid story--so it doesn't help me.
I compare life as I feel it with life as it is, and the inequality fills
me with disgust. The example of Christ is too sublime. He was human only
in His sufferings. He bore our burdens and He shared our agonies. He was
deceived, despised, rejected: the first torture and the firstfruits of
His Passion was the treachery of a disciple. When I am sorrowful and
wretched, He seems Real to me and vivid. But when I am well and wildly
happy, He seems far away and unreal--an invisible God, watching mortals
with a certain contempt. Now the Pagans had a Divinity for every mood,
so they never felt depressed or lowered in their own self-esteem. We
have a God for two moods only,--great sorrow, and great exaltation. For
the rest we have to beat our breasts and call ourselves miserable
sinners. All the good people I know enjoy spiritual peace only--without
any fear of remorse--when they are tired out or moaning with physical
pain. I don't say this to shock you; I should like to have a religion if
I could be convinced of it without fasting, without long illnesses, and
without abandoning all hope of earthly, common joys. Most Christians
take a middle way, I know; they prattle about their immortal souls, and
behave as though they had nothing but bodies. I can't take part in such
a gross farce."

Brigit sighed deeply, and did not reply at once.

"It is all very hard, I know," she answer