door my point of view was
gradually and strangely altered. I saw for the first time in my life what
a home might be. It attracted me; more, it showed me how empty my own
life was, that I had thought so full. The sight of your mother, of your
brothers, of your sisters, of your brother's little children--each of
these had its effect on me. As for yourself--Roberta, I don't know how to
tell you that; at least I don't know how to tell you on paper. I can
imagine finding words to tell you, if--you were very much nearer to me
than you are now. I hardly dare think of that!

Yet I must try, for it's part of the story; it's all of it. With my first
sight of you, I realized that here was what I had dreamed of but never
hoped to find: beauty and charm and--character. I had seen many women who
possessed two of these attributes; it seemed impossible to discover one
who had all three. Many women I had admired--and despised; many I had
respected--and disliked. I am not good at analysis, but perhaps you can
guess at what I mean. I may have been unfortunate; I don't know. There
may be many women who are both beautiful and good. No, that is not what I
mean! The combination I am trying to describe as impossibly desirable is
that not only of beauty and goodness--I suppose there are really many who
have those; but--goodness and fascination! That's what a man wants. Can
you possibly understand?

I wonder if I had better stop writing? I am showing myself up as
hopelessly awkward at expression; probably because my heart is pounding
so as I write that it is taking the blood from my brain. But--I'll make
one more try at it.

I had no special purpose in life last October. I meant to do a little
good in the world if I could--without too much trouble. Some time or
other I supposed I should marry--intended to put it off as long as I
could. I saw no reason why I shouldn't travel all I wanted to; it was the
one thing I really cared for with enthusiasm. I didn't appreciate much
what a selfish life I was leading, how I was neglecting the one person in
the world who loved me and was anxious about me. Your little sister,
Ruth, opened my eyes to that, by the way. I shall always thank her for
it. I hadn't known what I was missing.

I don't know how the change came about. You charmed me, yet you made me
realize every time I was with you that I was not the sort of man you
either admired or respected. I felt it whenever I looked at any of the
people in yo