without, in some measure, doing that at all
times; though with me it could only be a dream, for I was not free. I
had Scriptural example to plead 'Therefore I cannot come,' though in any
case I fear I should have held back, for I had no such creative instinct
for realisation as Narcissus, and have, I fear, dreamed many a dream I
had not the courage even to think of clothing in flesh and blood; like,
may I say, the many who are poets for all save song--poets in chrysalis,
all those who dream of what some do, and make the audience of those
great articulate ones. But there were one or two trifling doubts to set
at rest before final decision. The Reader has greatly misconceived
Narcissus if he has deemed him one of those simple souls whom any quack
can gull, and the good faith of this mysterious fraternity was a
difficult point to settle. A tentative application through the address
given, an appropriate _nom de mystere_, had introduced the ugly detail
of preliminary expenses. Divine truth has to pay its postage, its rent,
its taxes, and so on; and the 'guru' feeds not on air--although, of
course, being a 'guru,' he comes as near it as the flesh will allow:
therefore, and surely, Reader, a guinea per annum is, after all,
reasonable enough. Suspect as much as one will, but how gainsay? Also,
before the applicant could be admitted to noviciate even, his horoscope
must be cast, and--well, the poor astrologer also needed bread and--no!
not butter--five shillings for all his calculations, circles, and
significations--well, that again was only reasonable. H'm, ye-e-s, but
it was dubious; and, mad as we were, I don't think we ever got outside
that dubiety, but made up our minds, like other converts, to gulp the
primary postulate, and pay the twenty-six shillings. From the first,
however, Narcissus had never actually entrusted all his spiritual
venture in this particular craft: he saw the truth independent of them,
not they alone held her for him, though she might hold them, and they
might be that one of the many avenues for which he had waited to lead
him nearer to her heart. That was all. His belief in the new
illumination neither stood nor fell with them, though his ardour for it
culminated in the experience. One must take the most doubtful
experiment seriously if we are in earnest for results.

So next came the sacred name of 'the Order,' which, Reader, I cannot
tell thee, as I have never known it, Narcissus being bound by horri