it. You yourself hold ideals concerning the Church which you
have not confided to me. Of this I am sure. I came here to St. John's
full of hope and confidence, gradually to lose both, gradually to
realise that there was something wrong with me, that in spite of all
my efforts I was unable to make any headway in the right direction. I
became perplexed, dissatisfied--the results were so meagre, so out of
proportion to the labour. And the very fact that those who may be called
our chief parishioners had no complaint merely added to my uneasiness.
That kind of success didn't satisfy me, and I venture to assume it
didn't satisfy you."

Still McCrae made no sign.

"Finally I came to what may be termed a double conclusion. In the first
place, I began to see more and more clearly that our modern civilization
is at fault, to perceive how completely it is conducted on the
materialistic theory of the survival of the fittest rather than that of
the brotherhood of man, and that those who mainly support this church
are, consciously or not, using it as a bulwark for the privilege they
have gained at the expense of their fellow-citizens. And my conclusion
was that Christianity must contain some vital germ which I had somehow
missed, and which I must find if I could, and preach and release it.
That it was the release of this germ these people feared unconsciously.
I say to you, at the risk of the accusation of conceit, that I believed
myself to have a power in the pulpit if I could only discover the
truth."

Hodder thought he detected, as he spoke these words, a certain
relaxation of the tension.

"For a while, as the result of discouragement, of cowardice, I may
say, of the tearing-down process of the theological structure--built of
debris from many ruins on which my conception of Christianity rested,
I lost all faith. For many weeks I did not enter the church, as you
yourself must know. Then, when I had given up all hope, through certain
incidents and certain persona, a process of reconstruction began. In
short, through no virtue which I can claim as my own, I believe I have
arrived at the threshold of an understanding of Christianity as our Lord
taught it and lived it. And I intend to take the pulpit and begin to
preach it.

"I am deeply concerned in regard to yourself as to what effect my course
may have on you. And I am not you to listen to me with a view that you
should see your way clear to support me McCrae, but rather tha