haven't yet. It sticks in my throat, and I have put off and put
off--but, anyhow, you shall hear.... I went to the party I was telling
you about, and--and _she_ was there. A colonel's daughter, and no great
lady--as I was at the pains to find out afterwards. Her family was not
much better than my own, and upon that I built my hopes--for we think
much of family in Scotland. But hopes? I don't know that they could be
called 'hopes'. I was stunned, bewildered. She was the loveliest
creature I had ever seen, and Tommy"--he leaned forward, his hands
clasping the chair arms on either side--"many women as I've seen since,
I have never yet seen her like.... Such eyes, such a brow, such a
dazzling fair skin--the curved oval of her cheek--huts! I maunder....
She was amused by my adoration, Tommy; I don't know that it even
flattered her, she was so accustomed to it--and I fear, I fear she felt
no pity.... At any rate I was permitted to come to the house--for I
fought and struggled till I obtained an entrance,--and even what I saw
there did not open my eyes. I was doing well at college, you see; oh, I
had better speak out, I did a deal better than ever _you_ did, my lad,
and carried off honours which at that time seemed high enough to promise
anything. I saw myself at the head of my profession, with money,
position, perhaps a title--and thought if she would only wait? Had she
shown, were it ever so cruelly, her real sentiments, I might have
groaned beneath the knife, but the wound would have healed swiftly, as
wounds do at that age--but she kept me dangling on through long months
of torture, worn to skin and bone,"--he broke off abruptly, paced the
room, and stood for a moment at the window with his back turned, then
resumed:--

"When my sick jealousy became too apparent, she applied an opiate. A few
kind words or looks, an enchanting smile, and the poor, infatuated fool
was as mad as ever. We used to walk in Princes Street Gardens--I can
smell the spring flowers there now."

Another pause.

"You can guess the rest, I suppose?" With an effort the speaker heaved
himself upright, and a grimmer expression overcast his features. "It was
all a delusion--all. There never had been anything on her side--never.
Oh, she was sorry, _so_ sorry, but really she could not blame herself.
My boy, I was made to feel I was the dirt of the earth beneath her
feet.... Heigho! I got over it, Tommy--in time. Not for a long, long
time; not till years