I was born--yes, glad even if I lived to
be an old, old woman with nothing of joy to remember but that. If this
is wicked, it cannot be helped.

I had to listen while he explained that he knew I couldn't care for Ed
Caspian, and it was only to help Larry I had said yes. He went on, that
he understood there must be money, for Larry's sake, and if he could get
money, quite a good deal, would I marry him? Even if I wouldn't (he
flashed out in a sudden, almost fierce way) he would never let Ed
Caspian have me, because he was not worthy and it would be sacrilege. I
said, if I were alone in the world I would marry for love if there was
not a cent. But I must think for Larry, as Larry was like a boy, and by
comparison I felt an old woman. That made Peter laugh, for the first
time, but he did not laugh long. He begged me to trust him: that he knew
how to get all Larry would need, and we would both look after him
together as if we were old people and Larry our child. He said there
were reasons why he could not have this money at once; at least, he
_could_ have it, but there were things to be done first. All he asked
for himself, till the hour came, was my trust. But he wanted me to break
off my engagement at once. After what had happened between us, he could
not any longer bear it to go on.

If it had been that I could give Mr. Caspian back his ring, I would have
agreed to do as Peter asked. Yet how could I say, "I will not marry you.
But your ring you cannot have till I am married to another man and his
money gets it from the Uncle?" Even less could I tell Peter about the
Uncle, because he would blame poor Larry. It was dreadful to refuse
Peter what he asked, but I had to refuse. I was afraid he would be angry
and despise me because I could not even explain why I would not break.
But there he was wonderful. When he had thought for a moment, and looked
at me as if he would read my soul, he said: "You must have some reason
which seems to you very strong. I asked you to trust me, and now I'm
going to trust _you_, though it hurts a good deal. It will be all the
more of an incentive to me to make the way clear as soon as possible;
and meanwhile I'm not going to spoil the best hour I have ever known."

I was a little afraid, when he said this, that he might think we could
lose ourselves in love again; and he must have guessed what troubled me,
for he spoke at once: "Don't worry. I know now you love me. That's all I
want. Till you