Four-and-twenty scentings with her dear bergamot,
Four-and-twenty daubs of her dear paint-pot;
Four-and-twenty visitings to four-and-twenty friends,
And four-and-twenty tales of 'em, before the day ends;
Of these said four-and-twenty tales just four-and-twenty versions,
And all of them of all the facts most farcica perversions.
Four-and-twenty false curls, * *

* * * * *

Four-and-twenty false teeth, and quite as false a tongue,
Which tells how virtuous was the world when--_she and it were young_.
Or rather for these thirty years has moralizing told,
How this good deed and that she'll do, _before_ she grows old:
Four-and-twenty sighs a-day, that our rude English sky
Is not _precise_ as _she_--and may wash off the dye
Meretricious of her cheeks, which are then like gold,
(Though _less tempting_;) _sweet_ and yellow as a marigold![2]
Four-and-twenty wailings o'er the wedded state,
Yet twice as many every day 'tis not _her_ fate;
Pretending to the world 'tis mere _choice_ that has led
To singleness--yet choosing all the while to be wed,
If any doting fool could be doting fool enough
To bid for such a breaking down piece of stuff;
For any such a winter, that has shed the flowers of spring,
Whose autumn too is flown; nor left its fruit or any thing!

* * * * *

Yes, _such_ are the marks deep branded on a class
Of busy blanks, non-entities, creation's very farce;
In _these_ scales then be every piece of Eve's flesh weighed,
Find _these_ criteria, and be sure you've found an--Ancient Maid!

W. P----N.

[2] So much for the "heinous crime of _self-painting_;" as Lord
Chesterfield says; in speaking of which, "It is even whispered
about the town, (he observes) of that excellent artist,
Mr. Liobard, that he lately refused a fine woman to draw her
picture, alleging that he never copied any body's works but his
own and God Almighty's!"

* * * * *

ANECDOTES, ROYAL AND NOBLE.

(_For the Mirror._)

_James the First._

Robert Cecil, great grandson to the first Earl of Salisbury, told Lord
Dartmouth that his ancestor, inquiring into the character of king James,
Bruce (his majesty's own ambassador) answered, "Ken ye a John Ape? en
I's have him, he'll bite _you_; en you's have him, he'll bite _me_."

_Sir Edward Seymour._

Sp