weakened by fasting, austerity, and
solitude, was impressed with frightful visions. At other times, on the
contrary, I felt a sort of quiescence, in the idea that, having once
pronounced my vows, I should be delivered for ever from the burden of
thought and will. Then I abandoned myself to an insurmountable torpor,
like those unfortunate wretches, who, surprised by a snow-storm,
yield to a suicidal repose. Thus I awaited the fatal moment. At last,
according to the rule of discipline, choking with the death rattle,(17)
I hastened the moment of accomplishing the final act of my expiring
will--the vow to renounce it for ever."

"Remember, my dear son," replied Father d'Aigrigny, pale and tortured by
increasing anguish, "remember, that, on the eve of the day fixed for
the completion of your vows; I offered, according to the rule of our
Company, to absolve you from joining us--leaving you completely free,
for we accept none but voluntary vocations."

"It is true, father," answered Gabriel, with sorrowful bitterness;
"when, worn out and broken by three months of solitude and trial, I was
completely exhausted, and unable to move a step, you opened the door
of my cell, and said to me: 'If you like, rise and walk; you are free;
Alas! I had no more strength. The only desire of my soul, inert and
paralyzed for so long a period, was the repose of the grave; and
pronouncing those irrevocable vows, I fell, like a corpse, into your
hands."

"And, till now, my dear son, you have never failed in this corpse--like
obedience,--to use the expression of our glorious founder--because, the
more absolute this obedience, the more meritorious it must be."

After a moment's silence, Gabriel resumed: "You had always concealed
from me, father, the true ends of the Society into which I entered. I
was asked to abandon my free-will to my superiors, in the name of the
Greater Glory of God. My vows once pronounced, I was to be in your hands
a docile and obedient instrument; but I was to be employed, you told me,
in a holy, great and beauteous work. I believed you, father--how should
I not have believed you? but a fatal event changed my destiny--a painful
malady caused by--"

"My son," cried Father d'Aigrigny, interrupting Gabriel, "it is useless
to recall these circumstances."

"Pardon me, father, I must recall them. I have the right to be heard. I
cannot pass over in silence any of the facts, which have led me to take
the immutable resolution th