ose all
that you love on earth!' This thought agitated me to such a degree
that I actually for some moments considered whether it would not be
best for me to end at once all my miseries by death. I however
preserved presence of mind enough to reflect whether I was entirely
without resource, and an idea occurred to me which quieted my despair.
It would not be impossible, I thought, to conceal our loss from Manon;
and I might perhaps discover some ways and means of supplying her, so
as to ward off the inconveniences of poverty.

"I had calculated in endeavouring to comfort myself, that twenty
thousand crowns would support us for ten years. Suppose that these ten
years had now elapsed, and that none of the events which I had looked
for in my family had occurred. What then would have been my course? I
hardly know; but whatever I should then have done, why may I not do
now? How many are there in Paris, who have neither my talents, nor the
natural advantages I possess, and who, notwithstanding, owe their
support to the exercise of their talents, such as they are?

"'Has not Providence,' I added, while reflecting on the different
conditions of life, 'arranged things wisely?' The greater number of
the powerful and the rich are fools. No one who knows anything of the
world can doubt that. How admirable is the compensating justice
thereof! If wealth brought with it talent also, the rich would be too
happy, and other men too wretched. To these latter are given personal
advantages and genius, to help them out of misery and want. Some of
them share the riches of the wealthy by administering to their
pleasures, or by making them their dupes; others afford them
instruction, and endeavour to make them decent members of society; to
be sure, they do not always succeed; but that was probably not the
intention of the divine wisdom. In every case they derive a benefit
from their labours by living at the expense of their pupils; and, in
whatever point of view it is considered, the follies of the rich are a
bountiful source of revenue to the humbler classes.

"These thoughts restored me a little to my spirits and to my reason. I
determined first to consult M. Lescaut, the brother of Manon. He knew
Paris perfectly; and I had too many opportunities of learning that it
was neither from his own estates, nor from the king's pay, that he
derived the principal portion of his income. I had about thirty-three
crowns left, which I fo