s
of a living man. It is quite certain that, in obedience to the desire
I felt of terminating my sufferings, even by my own hand, nothing could
have been to me more welcome than death at that moment of anguish and
despair. Religion itself could depict nothing more insupportable after
death than the racking agony with which I was then convulsed. Yet, by a
miracle, only within the power of omnipotent love, I soon regained
strength enough to express my gratitude to Heaven for restoring me to
sense and reason. My death could have only been a relief and blessing
to myself; whereas Manon had occasion for my prolonged existence, in
order to deliver her--to succour her--to avenge her wrongs: I swore to
devote that existence unremittingly to these objects.

"The porter gave me every assistance that I could have expected at the
hands of my oldest friend: I accepted his services with the liveliest
gratitude. 'Alas!' said I to him, 'you then are affected by my
sufferings! The whole world abandons me; my own father proves one of
the very cruellest of my persecutors; no person feels pity for me! You
alone, in this abode of suffering and shame--you alone exhibit
compassion for the most wretched of mankind!' He advised me not to
appear in the street until I had recovered a little from my affliction.
'Do not stop me,' said I, as I went out; 'we shall meet again sooner
than you imagine: get ready your darkest dungeon, for I shall shortly
become its tenant.'

"In fact, my first idea was nothing less than to make away with the two
G---- M----s, and the lieutenant-general of police; and then to attack
the Hospital, sword in hand, assisted by all whom I could enlist in my
cause. Even my father's life was hardly respected, so just appeared my
feelings of vengeance; for the porter had informed me that he and G----
M---- were jointly the authors of my ruin.

"But when I had advanced some paces into the street, and the fresh air
had cooled my excitement, I gradually viewed matters in a more rational
mood. The death of our enemies could be of little use to Manon; and
the obvious effect of such violence would be to deprive me of all other
chance of serving her. Besides, could I ever bring myself to be a
cowardly assassin? By what other means could I accomplish my revenge?
I set all my ingenuity and all my efforts at work to procure the
deliverance of Manon, leaving everything else to be considered
hereafter when I had succeeded in this