he added, but as if speaking to himself,
"That's it. That _is_ it." His chin seemed to sink lower on his breast,
his body to weigh heavier on his seat. I was about to ask him what he
meant, when a sort of preparatory tremor passed over his whole person,
as a faint ripple may be seen upon stagnant water even before the wind
is felt. "And so that poor young man ran away along with the others," he
said, with grave tranquillity.
'I don't know what made me smile: it is the only genuine smile of mine
I can remember in connection with Jim's affair. But somehow this simple
statement of the matter sounded funny in French. . . . "S'est enfui avec
les autres," had said the lieutenant. And suddenly I began to admire the
discrimination of the man. He had made out the point at once: he did
get hold of the only thing I cared about. I felt as though I were taking
professional opinion on the case. His imperturbable and mature calmness
was that of an expert in possession of the facts, and to whom one's
perplexities are mere child's-play. "Ah! The young, the young," he said
indulgently. "And after all, one does not die of it." "Die of what?" I
asked swiftly. "Of being afraid." He elucidated his meaning and sipped
his drink.
'I perceived that the three last fingers of his wounded hand were stiff
and could not move independently of each other, so that he took up his
tumbler with an ungainly clutch. "One is always afraid. One may talk,
but . . ." He put down the glass awkwardly. . . . "The fear, the
fear--look you--it is always there." . . . He touched his breast near
a brass button, on the very spot where Jim had given a thump to his
own when protesting that there was nothing the matter with his heart. I
suppose I made some sign of dissent, because he insisted, "Yes! yes! One
talks, one talks; this is all very fine; but at the end of the reckoning
one is no cleverer than the next man--and no more brave. Brave! This
is always to be seen. I have rolled my hump (roule ma bosse)," he said,
using the slang expression with imperturbable seriousness, "in all parts
of the world; I have known brave men--famous ones! Allez!" . . . He
drank carelessly. . . . "Brave--you conceive--in the Service--one has
got to be--the trade demands it (le metier veut ca). Is it not so?" he
appealed to me reasonably. "Eh bien! Each of them--I say each of them,
if he were an honest man--bien entendu--would confess that there is a
point--there is a point--for the bes
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