or nose, which puts itself
forward above all other parts, which distinguishes us unhappy men from
all brutes, in whom mouth and snout meet in such friendly union, and
which in man is made, like the Hocken and the Blocksberg, the place for
all witches and evil spirits to hold their revels: is it not in most
men, merely on account of the cold air and a catarrh, turned into a
cave of AEolus, and hauled, pulled, stretched and touzled, till it
becomes a sounding horn and a battle-trumpet? Is not its pliancy and
capacity of education abused, to make almost elephants'-trunks and
turkey-cocks' bills out of it? More pious souls again press it down and
squeeze its arrogance into miserable deformities. All this I saw
betimes and spared my nose, yet I could not escape my destiny. I grew
up and old with my barber, one of my most intimate friends. This
artist, as he turned from one side of my face to the other, used,
during this change of position, in order to have a fulcrum, to apply
the edge of the razor below to my throat, and pressing and leaning upon
this rapidly to gain the other side. This appeared to me alarming. He
might slip or stumble, in which case he would in all probability make
an incision with the thing supported into its supporter, and my face
lie unshaved at his feet. For this a remedy was to be contrived. He
meditated, and like a true genius found no difficulty in altering his
system and his manner. That is to say, he grasped my nose with his
fingers, which gave him the advantage of being able to support himself
and rest much longer upon it, and drew it forcibly upwards,
particularly as he was shaving my upper lip, and so we gazed on each
other's eyes, one heart close to the other, and the razor worked with a
deliberate and steady action. It happened however that my friend had
always owned one of the most remarkable faces in the world, which the
vulgar is used to call frightful, distorted and ugly; he had besides
the habit of making grimaces, and ogled me with such cordiality, that
at every sitting I could not help answering him, and, being so close to
him, involuntarily imitated his other oddities. If he hauled up my nose
to an inordinate height, he in return, in order to reach the corners of
my mouth with the instrument of his art, pulled my lips and mouth
violently across. When in this mechanical manner he had forced a
seeming smile upon my countenance, his laugh met me, so amiable,
friendly, cordial and affectin