t I weakened when I saw the array of blooded horses hitched
without, and heard the gay laughter within, a merriment rippling and
merciless; and I stood on the porch, sick with the sense of my
awkwardness. I was too big, and I knew that I was straining my clothes.
Through the window I could see a trim fellow laughing with a girl, and I
said to myself, "If I can catch you out somewhere I will maul you." I
was not acquainted with him, but I hated him, for I knew that he was my
enemy. To an overgrown young fellow, ashamed of his uncouth, steer-like
strength, all graceful youths are hateful; and he feels, too, that a
handsome girl is his foe, for girls with pretty mouths are nearly always
laughing, and why should they laugh if they are not laughing at him?
Long I stood there, stretching the seams of my clothes, angry, wishing
that the house might catch fire. I heard footsteps, and looking about,
recognized a member of the household, an old and neglected girl. I was
not afraid of her, and I bowed. And I felt a sudden looseness, a giving
away of a part of my gear. She called me Mr. Hawes, the very first time
that any one had called me anything but Bill; she opened the door and
bade me go in. I had to duck my head as I stepped forward, and there I
was inside the room with the light pouring over me. I took one step
forward, and stumbled over something, and then a tittering fool named
Bentley, exclaimed: "Hello, here comes little Willie." I don't know how
I got out. I heard a roar of laughter, I saw grinning faces jumbled
together, and then I was outside, standing with my hot hand resting in
the frost on the top rail of a fence. Some one was urging me to come
back--the neglected girl--but I stood there silent, with my hot hand
melting the frost. I went out into the moon-lighted woods, seized a
sapling and almost wrenched it from the ground. Down the road I went
toward home, but I turned aside and sat on a log. I felt a sense of pain
and I opened my hands--I had been cutting my palms with my nails. But in
this senseless fury I had made up my mind. I would waylay Bentley and
beat him. Hour after hour I sat there. Horses began to canter by; up and
down the road there was laughter and merry chatting. The moon was full,
and I could plainly see the passers-by. Suddenly I sprang from the log
and seized a bridle rein. A girl shrieked and a man cut my hand with a
whip, and I jerked the horse to his knees. Bentley shouted that he would
kill