gain in which I had
all along and elsewhere suffered and resisted, and yet so perversely and
intimately appropriated, tutoring; which was with as little as ever to
show for my profit of his own express showings. The blank he fills out
crowds itself with a wealth of value, since I shouldn't without him have
been able to claim, for whatever it may be worth, a tenth (at that let
me handsomely put it), of my "working" sense of the vieux temps. How can
I allow then that we hadn't planted together, with a loose felicity,
some of the seed of work?--even though the sprouting was so long put
off. Everything, I have mentioned, had come at this time to be
acceptedly, though far from braggingly, put off; and the ministrations
of M. Ansiot really wash themselves over with the weak mixture that had
begun to spread for me, to immensity, during that summer day or two of
our earlier residence when, betraying strange pains and apprehensions, I
was with all decision put to bed. Present to me still is the fact of my
sharper sense, after an hour or two, of my being there in distress and,
as happened for the moment, alone; present to me are the sounds of the
soft afternoon, the mild animation of the Boulogne street through the
half-open windows; present to me above all the strange sense that
something had begun that would make more difference to me, directly and
indirectly, than anything had ever yet made. I might verily, on the
spot, have seen, as in a fading of day and a change to something
suddenly queer, the whole large extent of it. I must thus, much
impressed but half scared, have wanted to appeal; to which end I
tumbled, all too weakly, out of bed and wavered toward the bell just
across the room. The question of whether I really reached and rang it
was to remain lost afterwards in the strong sick whirl of everything
about me, under which I fell into a lapse of consciousness that I shall
conveniently here treat as a considerable gap.

THE END

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