Stops at all way-stations
and won't run into anything but a union depot. No smoking-car allowed on
the train because the company doesn't own enough brimstone to head a
match. Train orders are rather vague, though; and I've noticed the
trainmen don't get along very well with the passengers. No, I didn't go
on the broad gauge, though I have some good friends on that road who are
the best people in the world. Been running on it all their lives."

"Presbyterian?" I hinted.

"Narrow gauge, eh?" said the Brakeman; "pretty track; straight as a
rule; tunnel right through the heart of a mountain rather than go around
it; spirit level grade; strict rules, too; passengers have to show their
tickets before they get on the train; cars a little bit narrow for
sleepers; have to sit one in a seat and no room in the aisle to dance.
No stop-over tickets allowed; passenger must go straight through to the
station he's ticketed for, or stay off the car. When the car's full,
gates are shut; cars built at the shops to hold just so many, and no
more allowed on. That road is run right up to the rules and you don't
often hear of an accident on it. Had a head-on collision at Schenectady
union station and run over a weak bridge at Cincinnati, not many years
ago, but nobody hurt, and no passengers lost. Great road."

"May be you rode with the Agnostics?" I tried.

The Brakeman shook his head emphatically.

"Scrub road," he said, "dirt road-bed and no ballast; no time-card, and
no train dispatcher. All trains run wild and every engineer makes his
own time, just as he pleases. A sort of 'smoke-if-you-want-to' road. Too
many side tracks; every switch wide open all the time, switchman sound
asleep and the target-lamp dead out. Get on where you please and get off
when you want. Don't have to show your tickets, and the conductor has no
authority to collect fare. No, sir; I was offered a pass, but I don't
like the line. I don't care to travel over a road that has no terminus.

"Do you know, I asked a division superintendent where his road run to,
and he said he hoped to die if he knew. I asked him if the general
superintendent could tell me, and he said he didn't believe they had a
general superintendent, and if they had, he didn't know any more about
the road than the passengers did. I asked him who he reported to, and he
said, 'Nobody.' I asked a conductor who he got his orders from, and he
said he didn't take no orders from any living man or dead