dis des dames_,
and those women who exalt European gallantry above American honesty are
as blind to their own interests as an owl at high noon.

There is no royal railroad to lecturing. At best it is hard work, but
lecture committees "do their possible," as the Italians say, to lessen
the weight, and that "possible" is heartily appreciated by such of us as
inwardly long for a natural bridge between stations and hotels. A woman
is never so forlorn as when getting out of a car or entering a strange
hotel.

However, there never was a rule without its exception, and though
courtesy has marked the majority of lecture committees for its own, a
lecturer may occasionally find himself stranded upon a desert of
indifference, and languish for the comforts of a home not twenty miles
distant. Thus it happened that once upon arriving at my destination when
the shades of evening were falling fast, and glancing about for the
customary smiling gentlemen who smooth out the rough places by carrying
bags, superintending the transportation of luggage, and driving you to
your abiding-place in the best carriage of the period, I found no
gentlemen, smiling or otherwise, to deliver me from my own ignorance.

"Carriage, ma'am?" screamed a Jehu in top-boots ornamented with a
grotesque tracery of mud.

Well, yes, I would take a carriage; so up I clambered and sat down upon
what in the darkness I supposed was a seat, but what gave such palpable
evidences of animation in howls and attempts at assault and battery, as
to prove its right to be called a boy. "An' sure the lady didn't mane to
hurt ye, Jimmy," expostulated something that turned out to be the boy's
mother, whereupon a baby and a small sister of the small boy sent forth
their voices in unison with that of their extinguished brother.

"Driver, let me get out," I said pathetically.

"Certainly, ma'am, but where will you go to? There ain't no other
carriage left."

True; and I remained, and when I was asked where I wanted to stop, I
really did not know. Was there a hotel? Yes. Was there more than one
hotel? No. I breathed more freely, and said I would go to the hotel.

The driver evidently entertained a poor opinion of my mental capacity,
for he mumbled to himself that "people who didn't know where they was
agoin' had nuff sight better stay at home," and deposited me at the
hotel with a caution against pickpockets. This was sufficiently
humiliating, yet were there lower depths. Enteri