of the other quarter. If
three-quarters of us was killed, how many people would there be in
England in another generation? If it wasnt for that, the man d put the
fightin on us just as they put all the other dhrudgery. What would YOU
do if we was all kilt? Would you go to bed and have twins?

MITCHENER. Really, Mrs. Farrell, you must discuss these questions with a
medical man. You make me blush, positively.

MRS. FARRELL. A good job too. If I could have made Farrell blush I
wouldnt have had to risk me life too often. You n your risks n your
bravery n your selfcontrol indeed! "Why don't you conthrol yourself?" I
sez to Farrell. "Its agen me religion," he sez.

MITCHENER (plaintively). Mrs. Farrell, youre a woman of very powerful
mind. Im not qualified to argue these delicate matters with you. I ask
you to spare me, and to be good enough to take these clothes to Mr.
Balsquith when the ladies leave.

The Orderly comes in.

THE ORDERLY. Lady Corinthia Fanshawe and Mrs. Banger wish to see you,
sir. Mr. Balsquith told me to tell you.

MRS. FARRELL. Theyve come about the vote. I dont know whether its them
that want it or them that doesnt want it: anyhow, they're all alike
when they get into a state about it. (She goes out, having gathered
Balsquith's suffraget disguise from the desk.)

MITCHENER. Is Mr. Balsquith not with them?

THE ORDERLY. No, Sir. Couldnt stand Mrs. Banger, I expect. Fair caution
she is. (He chuckles.) Couldnt help larfin when I sor im op it.

MITCHENER. How dare you indulge in this unseemly mirth in the presence
of your commanding officer? Have you no sense of a soldier's duty?

THE ORDERLY (sadly). Im afraid I shant ever get the ang of it, sir. You
see my father has a tidy little barbers business down off Shoreditch;
and I was brought up to be chatty and easy like with everybody. I tell
you, when I drew the number in the conscription it gave my old mother
the needle and it gev me the ump. I should take it very kind, sir, if
youd let me off the drill and let me shave you instead. Youd appreciate
my qualities then: you would indeed sir. I shant never do myself justice
at soljering, sir: I cant bring myself to think of it as proper work
for a man with an active mind, as you might say, sir. Arf of its only
ousemaidin; and the other arf is dress-up and make-believe.

MITCHENER. Stuff, Sir. Its the easiest life in the world. Once you
learn your drill all you have to do is to hold your tongue and obe