ry funny; but he
would wear it in spite of the jeers of his mates, and sighed vainly for
a beaver, because his stern parent drew the line there. He pleaded that
English lads of ten wore them and were 'no end nobby'; but his mother
only answered, with a consoling pat of the yellow mane:

'My child, you are absurd enough now; if I let you add a tall hat,
Plumfield wouldn't hold either of us, such would be the scorn and
derision of all beholders. Content yourself with looking like the ghost
of a waiter, and don't ask for the most ridiculous head-gear in the
known world.'

Denied this noble badge of manhood, Ted soothed his wounded soul by
appearing in collars of an amazing height and stiffness, and ties which
were the wonder of all female eyes. This freak was a sort of vengeance
on his hard-hearted mother; for the collars drove the laundress to
despair, never being just right, and the ties required such art in
the tying that three women sometimes laboured long before--like Beau
Brummel--he turned from a heap of 'failures' with the welcome words:
'That will do.' Rob was devoted on these trying occasions, his own
toilet being distinguished only by its speed, simplicity, and neatness.
Ted was usually in a frenzy before he was suited, and roars, whistles,
commands, and groans were heard from the den wherein the Lion raged and
the Lamb patiently toiled. Mrs Jo bore it till boots were hurled and a
rain of hair-brushes set in, then, fearing for the safety of her eldest,
she would go to the rescue, and by a wise mixture of fun and authority
finally succeed in persuading Ted that he was 'a thing of beauty',
if not 'a joy for ever'. At last he would stalk majestically forth,
imprisoned in collars compared to which those worn by Dickens's
afflicted Biler were trifles not worth mentioning. The dresscoat was
a little loose in the shoulders, but allowed a noble expanse of glossy
bosom to be seen, and with a delicate handkerchief negligently drooping
at the proper angle, had a truly fine effect. Boots that shone,
and likewise pinched, appeared at one end of the 'long, black
clothes-pin'--as Josie called him---and a youthful but solemn face at
the other, carried at an angle which, if long continued, would have
resulted in spinal curvature. Light gloves, a cane, and--oh, bitter drop
in the cup of joy!--an ignominious straw hat, not to mention a choice
floweret in the buttonhole, and a festoon of watchguard below, finished
off this impres