be a decent citizen, but
you'll come to Chicago and commit larceny from men that have built
up a sound and profitable business by dealing with such contemptible
scoundrels as you have tried to be to-day. How do you know,' says I,
'that that green goods man hasn't a large family dependent upon his
extortions? It's you supposedly respectable citizens who are always
on the lookout to get something for nothing,' says I, 'that support
the lotteries and wild-cat mines and stock exchanges and wire tappers
of this country. If it wasn't for you they'd go out of business.
The green goods man you was going to rob,' says I, 'studied maybe
for years to learn his trade. Every turn he makes he risks his money
and liberty and maybe his life. You come up here all sanctified and
vanoplied with respectability and a pleasing post office address to
swindle him. If he gets the money you can squeal to the police. If
you get it he hocks the gray suit to buy supper and says nothing. Mr.
Tucker and me sized you up,' says I, 'and came along to see that you
got what you deserved. Hand over the money,' says I, 'you grass fed
hypocrite.'

"I put the two thousand, which was all in $20 bills, in my inside
pocket.

"'Now get out your watch,' says I to Murkison. 'No, I don't want
it,' says I. 'Lay it on the table and you sit in that chair till it
ticks off an hour. Then you can go. If you make any noise or leave
any sooner we'll handbill you all over Grassdale. I guess your high
position there is worth more than $2,000 to you.'

"Then me and Andy left.

"On the train Andy was a long time silent. Then he says: 'Jeff, do you
mind my asking you a question?'

"'Two,' says I, 'or forty.'

"'Was that the idea you had,' says he, 'when we started out with
Murkison?'

"'Why, certainly,' says I. 'What else could it have been? Wasn't it
yours, too?'

"In about half an hour Andy spoke again. I think there are times when
Andy don't exactly understand my system of ethics and moral hygiene.

"'Jeff,' says he, 'some time when you have the leisure I wish you'd
draw off a diagram and foot-notes of that conscience of yours. I'd
like to have it to refer to occasionally.'"

INNOCENTS OF BROADWAY

"I hope some day to retire from business," said Jeff Peters; "and when
I do I don't want anybody to be able to say that I ever got a dollar
of any man's money without giving him a quid pro rata for it. I've
always managed to leave a customer some little gewg