n immensely pretty gamut, by
which any lady or gentleman, with a few years' close application, may
learn to laugh as gracefully as if they were born and bred to it.

JONATHAN

Mercy on my soul! A gamut for laughing--just like fa, la, sol?

JEREMY

Yes. It comprises every possible display of jocularity, from an
affettuoso smile to a piano titter, or full chorus fortissimo ha, ha,
ha! My master employs his leisure hours in marking out the plays, like
a cathedral chanting-book, that the ignorant may know where to laugh;
and that pit, box, and gallery may keep time together, and not have a
snigger in one part of the house, a broad grin in the other, and a
d---d grum look in the third. How delightful to see the audience all
smile together, then look on their books, then twist their mouths into
an agreeable simper, then altogether shake the house with a general ha,
ha, ha! loud as a full chorus of Handel's at an Abbey commemoration.

JONATHAN

Ha, ha, ha! that's dang'd cute, I swear.

JESSAMY

The gentlemen, you see, will laugh the tenor; the ladies will play the
counter-tenor; the beaux will squeak the treble; and our jolly friends
in the gallery a thorough base, ho, ho, ho!

JONATHAN

Well, can't you let me see that gamut?

JESSAMY

Oh! yes, Mr. Jonathan; here it is. [Takes out a book.] Oh! no, this
is only a titter with its variations. Ah, here it is. [Takes out
another.] Now, you must know, Mr. Jonathan, this is a piece written by
Ben Johnson, which I have set to my master's gamut. The places where
you must smile, look grave, or laugh outright, are marked below the
line. Now look over me. "There was a certain man"--now you must smile.

JONATHAN

Well, read it again; I warrant I'll mind my eye.

JESSAMY

"There was a certain man, who had a sad scolding wife,"--now you must
laugh.

JONATHAN

Tarnation! That's no laughing matter though.

JESSAMY

"And she lay sick a-dying";--now you must titter.

JONATHAN

What, snigger when the good woman's a-dying! Gor, I--

JESSAMY

Yes, the notes say you must--"and she asked her husband leave to make a
will,"--now you must begin to look grave;--"and her husband said"--

JONATHAN

Ay, what did her husband say? Something dang'd cute, I reckon.

JESSAMY

"And her husband said, you have had your will all your life-time, and
would you have it after you are dead, too?"

JONATHAN

Ho, ho, ho! There the old man