them, I continued to wage war for nearly a year. And
yet, for a word spoken with kindness, I would have resigned the
peacock's feather in my cap as the merest of baubles. Undoubtedly,
praise sounded sweet in my ears also. But _that_ was nothing by
comparison with what stood on the other side. I detested distinctions
that were connected with mortification to others. And, even if I could
have got over _that_, the eternal feud fretted and tormented my nature.
Love, that once in childhood had been so mere a necessity to me, _that_
had long been a mere reflected ray from a departed sunset. But peace,
and freedom from strife, if love were no longer possible, (as so rarely
it is in this world,) was the absolute necessity of my heart. To contend
with somebody was still my fate; how to escape the contention I could
not see; and yet for itself, and the deadly passions into which it
forced me, I hated and loathed it more than death. It added to the
distraction and internal feud of my own mind--that I could not
_altogether_ condemn the upper boys. I was made a handle of humiliation
to them. And in the mean time, if I had an advantage in one
accomplishment, which is all a matter of accident, or peculiar taste and
feeling, they, on the other hand, had a great advantage over me in the
more elaborate difficulties of Greek, and of choral Greek poetry. I
could not altogether wonder at their hatred of myself. Yet still, as
they had chosen to adopt this mode of conflict with me, I did not feel
that I had any choice but to resist. The contest was terminated for me
by my removal from the school, in consequence of a very threatening
illness affecting my head; but it lasted nearly a year; and it did not
close before several amongst my public enemies had become my private
friends. They were much older, but they invited me to the houses of
their friends, and showed me a respect which deeply affected me--this
respect having more reference, apparently, to the firmness I had
exhibited than to the splendour of my verses. And, indeed, these had
rather drooped from a natural accident; several persons of my own class
had formed the practice of asking me to write verses for _them_. I could
not refuse. But, as the subjects given out were the same for all of us,
it was not possible to take so many crops off the ground without
starving the quality of all.

Two years and a half from this time, I was again at a public school of
ancient foundation. Now I was