at rejoicing, till only one young man and myself were
left. The whole power of the church was then concentrated on us, but to
no purpose. In this extremity I began to reason about it as I had not
done before. I had been taught that "God was no respecter of persons;
but that in every nation he that feareth him, and worketh
righteousness, is accepted with him." My soul ever recoiled from the
idea of His decreeing some men to salvation and others to damnation,
irrespective of their own will and conduct. Here, now, I was as
helpless as a stone till God should do this work of grace for me. Why
would he send down the Holy Spirit and convert one on my right, another
on my left, till the "bench" was vacant, and not convert me? The
preachers were praying for Him to do it; my father and mother were
praying earnestly for it; the whole church were pleading with Him, and
yet He would not do it. I knew I was a sinner; that I wanted salvation;
that I was sincere, earnest as the others could be: but all this
availed nothing. The preachers tried to explain the failure on the
ground that I was still clinging to the world and my own righteousness;
that I had not given my heart wholly to God, etc. This I knew to be
false. I concluded that if a poor, penitent, agonizing sinner with all
his prayers and pleadings, with the whole church earnestly cooperating,
could not induce God to save him, he might just as well be decreed to
damnation from all eternity. With these reflections I left the
mourners' bench in disgust, and ever since I have had for it an
inexpressible contempt. Time and observation have confirmed me in this
feeling; and while I cherish a sincere respect for those who in
ignorance think it is a divine arrangement, and that in resorting to it
they are obeying a command of God, I have none for those who, knowing
better, still use it as a means of conversion. As often employed by
professional evangelists, there is so much of clap-trap that it must
bring the whole subject of religion into contempt with sensible people.
It is amazing to me that, in view of its entire lack of Scripture
precept or example, the light and knowledge of this day, and its
frequent failures, it, and the whole system of which it is an essential
part, are not laid aside.

Having been taught that Methodism and Christianity were identical, and
having completely lost faith in the former, it was natural enough that
I should become skeptical as to the latter. Only a