who wish to
rout a man out of bed without moving Uncle James an inch. Footsteps might
patter outside his door; voices might call one to the other; knuckles might
rap the panels; relays of shaving-water might be dumped on his wash-stand;
but devil a bit would Uncle James budge, till finally the enemy, giving in,
would bring him his breakfast in bed. Then, after a leisurely cigar, he
would at last rise and, having dressed himself with care, come downstairs
and be the ray of sunshine about the home.

For many years I was accustomed to look on Uncle James as a mere sluggard.
I pictured ants raising their antennae scornfully at the sight of him. I
was to learn that not sloth but a deep purpose dictated his movements, or
his lack of movement.

"My boy," said Uncle James, "more evil is wrought by early rising than by
want of thought. Happy homes are broken up by it. Why do men leave charming
wives and run away with quite unattractive adventuresses? Because good
women always get up early. Bad women, on the other hand, invariably rise
late. To prize a man out of bed at some absurd hour like nine-thirty is to
court disaster. To take my own case, when I first wake in the morning my
mind is one welter of unkindly thoughts. I think of all the men who owe me
money, and hate them. I review the regiment of women who have refused to
marry me, and loathe them. I meditate on my faithful dog, Ponto, and wish
that I had kicked him overnight. To introduce me to the human race at that
moment would be to let loose a scourge upon society. But what a difference
after I have lain in bed looking at the ceiling for an hour or so. The milk
of human kindness comes surging back into me like a tidal wave. I love my
species. Give me a bit of breakfast then, and let me enjoy a quiet
meditative smoke, and I am a pleasure to all with whom I come in contact."

He settled himself more comfortably upon the pillows and listened
luxuriously for a moment to the sound of rushing housemaids in the passage.

"Late rising saved my life once," he said. "Pass me my tobacco pouch."

He lit his pipe and expelled a cloud of smoke.

"It was when I was in South America. There was the usual revolution in the
Republic which I had visited in my search for concessions, and, after due
consideration, I threw in my lot with the revolutionary party. It is
usually a sound move, for on these occasions the revolutionists have
generally corrupted the standing army, and they win b