--no, I could not have endured
it forever.

"My father grew old and feeble, and many other little perquisites
ceased, besides the dancing lessons at the castle, for which he had
been handsomely paid. As the time hung heavy on his hands and he could
read to himself very little, one of us was obliged to spend half the
day in reading aloud his favorite romances, thereby neglecting her
work, which to be sure brought in a very small income. But why should I
entertain you with the details of these petty household wants? A man
can never imagine all the embarrassments, all the secret tears and
vexations of a young girl who is obliged to deny herself the
necessaries of life to save the money required for the trifles she
deems still more necessary, and especially one who has so much taste
and love for luxury, that when the hard won finery is at last finished,
she would rather tear it all off and go about in her Cinderella garb,
because the articles obtained by so many struggles are still so poor.
That is, the dress was really not so bad, for with a few yards of white
muslin and some bows of ribbon a girl can look very well, especially at
sixteen or eighteen, and with a face like the one God had bestowed upon
me. But unfortunately, I continued to remember the real elegance, the
Parisian toilettes I had seen at the castle, the beautiful fans and
flowers, real laces and rustling satin robes, which my few pennies
could never obtain. You shake your head, my wise friend. But consider,
that a trout obstinately insists upon living in clear, fresh water, and
no philosophy will induce him to be satisfied with a stagnant pond,
where other very estimable fish are perfectly comfortable.

"And then--what had I to lead me out of these weaknesses and follies
and make amends, if the fairy tale of which I dreamed, should never
come true? You, my dear friend, have your thoughts, your ambition, your
pride. But I--knew nothing thoroughly. How should I? Where could I have
learned it? What had I been taught? To speak French, to play the piano
a little--for the young chorister, who gave me lessons, tried to drown
himself in the river on account of a hopeless love for me, and then
married the pastor's daughter, who came up just at the right moment and
shrieked for help, and of course the lessons were not continued. Sewing
I had always hated, for it is absurd to suppose that embroidering,
knitting stockings, and making shirts, can really render any human