Besides, the police move them on.

_Chairman_. Well, my lad, what can you do for yourself?

_Witness_. Nothing; and consequently, my Lord and Gentlemen, I hope
you will do something for me.

_Chairman_ (_after consultation with his colleagues_). As you have
been educated up to a point rendering you valueless at fourteen,
we shall have much pleasure in recommending that your studies be
continued until your education will be equally valueless at nineteen.
If this scheme does nothing else, it will keep you employed for the
next five years! [_Scene closes in upon the Report._

* * * * *

[Illustration: A SCIENTIFIC CENTENARY.]

_Faraday_ (_returned_). "WELL, MISS SCIENCE, I HEARTILY CONGRATULATE
YOU; YOU HAVE MADE MARVELLOUS PROGRESS SINCE MY TIME!"]

* * * * *

ORATORIO, AS HANDLED AT THE C.P.

The Tenth Triennial Handel Festival. Programme extends over three
days, Monday, to-day the 24th, and Friday the 26th. The singers are
Madame ALBANI, Miss MARIAN MCKENZIE, Messrs. SANTLEY, EDWARD LLOYD,
BARTON MCGUCKIN, BRIDSON, and BRERETON--the last pair seeming to come
in like the "two pretty men" of nursery history, 'yclept "ROBIN and
RICHARD." The great organ cannot be played without EYRE and bellows.
The Conductor to the musical omnibus is AUGUST MANNS, or more
appropriately, JUNE MANNS. _Motto_.--"MANNS wants but little here
below, but he wants that uncommonly good"--and more than good it is
safe to be in the hands of the Conductor whose name is indicative of
quantity and quality. _Salvete, Homines!_

* * * * *

OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.

The Baron is getting along with GEORGE MEREDITH's _One of Our
Conquerors_. Within the last three weeks he has already reached p.
94 of Vol. I, and here the weather, having suddenly become tropical,
the Baron felt that his mighty brain "whirled, swam to a giddiness,
and subsided." He has been stopped occasionally _en route_; he had
come into view of "_the diminutive marble cavalier of the infantile
cerebellum_." Then he retraced his steps, puzzled a bit, but after
a "modest quencher" Swivellerian libation, he hit upon a luminous
passage which warned him "_in plain speech_"--and whose is plainer
than GEORGE MEREDITH's?--"_that the Bacchus of auspicious birth
induces ever to the worship of the loftier Deities._" Excellent i'
faith! And then the Baron smole, as one who is interiorly enlightened