ner,
And widely opened were our eyes
To hear her brilliant talk at dinner.
She always knew just what to say,
And said it well, nor for a minute
Was ever at a loss,--I may
As well confess--we men weren't in it!

The talk was of Roumania's Queen,
And was she equal, say, to DANTE?--
The way that race was won by _Sheen_,
And not the horse called _Alicante_--
Of how some charities were frauds,
How some again were quite deserving--
The beauties of the Norfolk broads--
The latest hit of Mr. IRVING--

Does sap go up or down the stem?--
The Boom of Mr. RUDYARD KIPLING--
The speeches of the G.O.M.--
The strength of Mr. MORLEY's "stripling"
_Was_ JONAH swallowed by the whale?--
The price of jute--we wondered all if
They'd have the heart to send to gaol
Those heroes, SLAVIN and McAULIFFE.

"Oh, maiden fair," I said at last,
"To hear you talk is most delightful;
But yet the time, it's clear, you've passed
In reading must be something frightful.
Come--do you trouble thus your head
Because you want to go to College
By getting out of Mr. STEAD
L300 for General Knowledge?"

"Kind Sir," she promptly then replied,
"Your guess, I quite admit, was clever,
And, if I now in you confide,
You'll keep it dark, I'm sure, for ever.
Yet do not get, I pray, enraged,
For how I got my information
Was simply this--_I have engaged_
_A Coach in General Conversation_,"

* * * * *

SERVED A LA RUSSE.

MY DEAR MR. PUNCH,

Will you allow me, as one who knows Russia by heart, to express my
intense admiration for the new piece at the Shaftesbury Theatre, in
which is given, in my opinion, the most faithful picture of the CZAR's
dominions as yet exhibited to the British Public. ACT I. is devoted
to "a Street near the Banks of the Neva, St. Petersburg," and here
we have a splendid view of the Winter Palace, and what I took to be
the Kremlin at Moscow. On one side is the house of a money-lender,
and on the other the shelter afforded to a drosky-driver and his
starving family. The author, whose name must be BUCHANANOFF (though he
modestly drops the ultimate syllable), gives as a second title to this
portion of his wonderful work, "The Dirge for the Dead." It is very
appropriate. A student, whose funds are at the lowest ebb, commits a
purposeless murder, and a "pope" who has been on the look-out no