e for doing both, much better than you knew it
yourself--would always console my uncle Toby upon these occasions, in a
way, which shewed plainly, he imagined my uncle Toby grieved for nothing
in the whole affair, so much as the loss of his hobby-horse.--Never
mind, brother Toby, he would say,--by God's blessing we shall have
another war break out again some of these days; and when it does,--the
belligerent powers, if they would hang themselves, cannot keep us out of
play.--I defy 'em, my dear Toby, he would add, to take countries without
taking towns,--or towns without sieges.

My uncle Toby never took this back-stroke of my father's at his
hobby-horse kindly.--He thought the stroke ungenerous; and the more
so, because in striking the horse he hit the rider too, and in the most
dishonourable part a blow could fall; so that upon these occasions,
he always laid down his pipe upon the table with more fire to defend
himself than common.

I told the reader, this time two years, that my uncle Toby was not
eloquent; and in the very same page gave an instance to the contrary:--I
repeat the observation, and a fact which contradicts it again.--He
was not eloquent,--it was not easy to my uncle Toby to make long
harangues,--and he hated florid ones; but there were occasions where the
stream overflowed the man, and ran so counter to its usual course,
that in some parts my uncle Toby, for a time, was at least equal to
Tertullus--but in others, in my own opinion, infinitely above him.

My father was so highly pleased with one of these apologetical orations
of my uncle Toby's, which he had delivered one evening before him and
Yorick, that he wrote it down before he went to bed.

I have had the good fortune to meet with it amongst my father's papers,
with here and there an insertion of his own, betwixt two crooks, thus
(.. .), and is endorsed,

My Brother Toby's Justification of His Own Principles and Conduct in
Wishing to Continue the War.

I may safely say, I have read over this apologetical oration of my uncle
Toby's a hundred times, and think it so fine a model of defence,--and
shews so sweet a temperament of gallantry and good principles in him,
that I give it the world, word for word (interlineations and all), as I
find it.

Chapter 3.LXXV.

My Uncle Toby's Apologetical Oration.

I am not insensible, brother Shandy, that when a man whose profession
is arms, wishes, as I have done, for war,--it has an ill aspect to t