XLVII.
** See Vol. III. Letter XVIII.

Yet forbid it not--for do I not now--do I not every moment--see her
before me all over charms, and elegance and purity, as in the struggles
of the past midnight? And in these struggles, heart, voice, eyes, hand,
and sentiments, so greatly, so gloriously consistent with the character
she has sustained from her cradle to the present hour?

But what advantages do I give thee?

Yet have I not always done her justice? Why then thy teasing
impertinence?

However, I forgive thee, Jack--since (so much generous love am I capable
of!) I had rather all the world should condemn me, than that her
character should suffer the least impeachment.

The dear creature herself once told me, that there was a strange mixture
in my mind.* I have been called Devil and Beelzebub, between the two
proud beauties: I must indeed be a Beelzebub, if I had not some tolerable
qualities.

* See Vol. III. Letter XXXIII.

But as Miss Howe says, the suffering time of this excellent creature is
her shining time.* Hitherto she has done nothing but shine.

* See Vol. IV. Letter XXIII.

She called me villain, Belford, within these few hours. And what is the
sum of the present argument; but that had I not been a villain in her
sense of the word, she had not been such an angel?

O Jack, Jack! This midnight attempt has made me mad; has utterly undone
me! How can the dear creature say, I have made her vile in her own eyes,
when her behaviour under such a surprise, and her resentment under such
circumstances, have so greatly exalted her in mine?

Whence, however, this strange rhapsody?--Is it owing to my being here?
That I am not at Sinclair's? But if there be infection in that house,
how has my beloved escaped it?

But no more in this strain!--I will see what her behaviour will be on my
return--yet already do I begin to apprehend some little sinkings, some
little retrogradations: for I have just now a doubt arisen, whether, for
her own sake, I should wish her to forgive me lightly, or with
difficulty?

***

I am in a way to come at the wished-for license.

I have now given every thing between my beloved and me a full
consideration; and my puzzle is over. What has brought me to a speedier
determination is, that I think I have found out what she means by the
week's distance at which she intends to hold me. It is, that she may
have time to write to Miss Howe, to put in motion that curs