f poetry in which they exercised the
muse. He saw Tragedy conspicuous in a grave solemnity of regard; Satire
louring in a frown of envy and discontent; Elegy whining in a funeral
aspect; Pastoral dozing in a most insipid languor of face; Ode-writing
delineated in a distracted stare; and Epigram squinting with a pert
sneer. Perhaps our hero refined too much in his penetration, when he
affirmed, that, over and above these discoveries, he could plainly
perceive the state of every one's finances, and would have undertaken
to have guessed each particular sum without varying three farthings from
the truth. The conversation, instead of becoming general, began to fall
into parties; and the epic poet had actually attracted the attention of
a private committee, when the chairman interposed, calling aloud, "No
cabals, no conspiracies, gentlemen." His rival, thinking it incumbent
upon him to make some reply to this rebuke, answered, "We have no
secrets; he that hath ears, let him hear." This was spoke as an
intimation to the company, whose looks were instantly whetted with the
expectation of their ordinary meal; but the president seemed to decline
the contest; for, without putting on his fighting face, he calmly
replied, that he had seen Mr. Metaphor tip the wink, and whisper to
one of his confederates, and thence judged, that there was something
mysterious on the carpet.

The epic poet, believing his antagonist crest-fallen, resolved to take
the advantage of his dejection, that he might enhance his own character
in the opinion of the stranger; and, with that view, asked, with an air
of exultation, if a man might not be allowed to have a convulsion in his
eye, without being suspected of a conspiracy? The president, perceiving
his drift, and piqued at his presumption, "To be sure," said he, "a
man of a weak head may be very well supposed to have convulsions in his
eyes." This repartee produced a laugh of triumph among the chairman's
adherents; one of whom observed, that his rival had got a smart rap on
the pate. "Yes," replied the bard, "in that respect Mr. Chairman has the
advantage of me. Had my head been fortified with a horn-work, I should
not have been so sensible of the stroke." This retort, which carried a
severe allusion to the president's wife, lighted up the countenances of
the aggressor's friends, which had begun to be a little obumbrated;
and had a contrary effect upon the other faction, till their chief,
collecting all