was now reduced to
the alternative of reading and walking by myself; but love made up for
all deficiencies to me, who think nothing else worth the living for. Had
I been blessed with a partner for life, who could have loved sincerely,
and inspired me with a mutual flame, I would have asked no more of fate.
Interest and ambition have no share in my composition; love, which is
pleasure, or pleasure, which is love, makes up the whole. A heart so
disposed cannot be devoid of other good qualities; it must be subject
to the impressions of humanity and benevolence, and enemy to nothing but
itself. This you will give me leave to affirm, in justice to myself, as
I have frankly owned my failings and misconduct.

"Towards the end of summer, my heart was a little alarmed by a report
that prevailed, of my lover's being actually engaged in a treaty of
marriage; however, I gave little credit to this rumour till I was
obliged to go to town about business, and there I heard the same
information confidently affirmed. Though I still considered it as a
vague surmise, I wrote to him an account of what I had heard; and,
in his answer, which is still in my possession, he assured me, with
repeated vows and protestations, that the report was altogether false.
Satisfied with this declaration, I returned to his house; and, though
the tale was incessantly thundered in my ears, still believed it void of
all foundation, till my suspicion was awakened by a very inconsiderable
circumstance.

"One day, on his return from hunting, I perceived he had a very fine
pair of Dresden ruffles on his shirt, which I could not suppose he would
wear at such a rustic exercise; and, therefore, my fears took the alarm.
When I questioned him about this particular of his dress, his colour
changed; and though he attempted to elude my suspicion, by imputing
it to a mistake of his servant, I could not rest satisfied with this
account of the matter, but inquired into the truth with such eagerness
and penetration, that he could not deny he had been to make a visit.
By degrees, I even extorted from him a confession, that he had engaged
himself further than he ought to have proceeded, without making me
acquainted with his design, though he endeavoured to excuse his conduct,
and pacify my displeasure, by saying, that the affair would not be
brought to bear for a great while, and, perhaps, might never come to a
determination but he was in great confusion, and, indeed, hardly k