over this skeleton of a
husband, that I may leave you to chuckle as my heir. No, no, it is past.
I am not going to the justice of the peace, and I will tear up my will!"

"Oh, she is going to tear up her will!" howled Hodge; "and then I have
tormented myself in vain; in vain have endured the horrible luck of
being loved by this old owl! Oh, oh, she will not make her will, and
Hodge will remain the same miserable dog he always was!"

Gammer Gurton laughed scornfully. "Ah, you are aware at last what a
pitiable wretch you are, and how much a noble and handsome person, as I
am, lowered herself when she made up her mind to pick up such a weed and
make him her husband."

"Yes, yes, I know it!" whined Hodge; "and I pray you pick me up and take
me, and above all things make your will!"

"No, I will not take you, and I shall not make my will! It is all over
with, I tell you; and now you can go as soon as you please to Tib, who
has called you so lovingly. But first give me back my sewing-needle, you
magpie, you! Give me here my sewing-needle, which you have stolen. It is
of no use to you now, for it is not necessary for me to go out in order
that you may go and see Tib. We have nothing more to do with each other,
and you can go where you wish. My sewing-needle, say I--my needle, or I
will hang you as a scarecrow in my pea-patch, to frighten the sparrows
out of it. My sewing-needle, or--"

She shook her clenched fist threateningly at Hodge, fully convinced that
now, as always before, Hodge would retreat before this menacing weapon
of his jealous and irritable lady-love, and seek safety under the bed or
the table.

This time, however, she was mistaken. Hodge, who saw that all was lost,
felt that his patience was at length exhausted; and his timidity was
now changed to the madness of despair. The lamb was transformed into
a tiger, and with a tiger's rage he pounced upon Gammer Gurton, and,
throwing aside her fist, he dealt her a good sound blow on the cheek.

The signal was given, and the battle began. It was waged by both sides
with equal animosity and equal vigor; only Hodge's bony hand made by far
the most telling blows on Gammer Gurton's mass of flesh, and was always
certain, wherever he struck, to hit some spot of this huge mass; while
Gammer Gurton's soft hand seldom touched that thin, threadlike figure,
which dexterously parried every blow.

"Stop, you fools!" suddenly shouted a stentorian voice. "See you not,
you g