utions, when discouraged
on the one hand by the revilings of suspicion, and assailed on the
other by the cravings of appetite? My morning's collection was exacted
from me to the very last nut, and the greedy eyes of my mistress
seemed to inquire for more. Suspected when innocent, I became guilty
out of revenge; was detected and dismissed. A successor was appointed,
to whom I surrendered all my offices of trust, and having perfect
leisure, I made it my sole business to supplant him.

It was an axiom in mathematics with me at that time, though not found
in Euclid, that wherever I could enter my head, my whole body might
follow. As a practical illustration of this proposition, I applied my
head to the arched hole of the hen-house door, and by scraping away
a little dirt, contrived to gain admittance, and very speedily
transferred all the eggs to my own chest. When the new purveyor
arrived, he found nothing but "a beggarly account of empty boxes;" and
his perambulations in the orchard and garden, for the same reason
were equally _fruitless_. The pilferings of the orchard and garden I
confiscated as droits; but when I had collected a sufficient number of
eggs to furnish a nest, I gave information of my pretended discovery
to my mistress, who, thinking she had not changed for the better,
dismissed my successor, and received me into favour again. I was,
like many greater men, immediately reinstated in office when it was
discovered that they could not do without me. I once more became
chancellor of the hen-roost and ranger of the orchard, with greater
power than I had possessed before my disgrace. Had my mistress looked
half as much in my face as she did into my hatful of eggs, she would
have read my guilt; for at that unsophisticated age I could blush, a
habit long since discarded in the course of my professional duties.

In order to preserve my credit and my situation, I no longer contented
myself with windfalls, but assisted nature in her labours, and greatly
lightened the burthen of many a loaded fruit-tree; by these means, I
not only gratified the avarice of my mistress at her own expense, but
also laid by a store for my own use. On my restoration to office, I
had an ample fund in my exchequer to answer all present demands; and
by a provident and industrious anticipation, was enabled to lull the
suspicions of my employers, and to bid defiance to the opposition. It
will readily be supposed that a lad of my acuteness did no