only necessary to consider the condition of those
soldiers, sailors, or civilians who have suffered the amputation of a
leg or arm. How plump and rosy they all appear! Is it not certain, then,
that instead of wasting their time and substance in Cod-liver oil and
trips to Minnesota and Florida, it would be far better for those persons
who may fancy themselves consumptive to repair to their physician's
abode, and request him to trim off an arm, a foot, or a leg, according
to the urgency of their symptoms? And if this first pruning were found
to be insufficient, the individual might be further trimmed until his
form was of a size and extent no greater than his natural forces were
capable of nourishing. When this result was attained, the patient might
expect to grow as vigorous and wholesome as a properly pruned grape-vine
or a dwarf pear-tree. Hoping, respected Sir, that I have made myself
intelligible to yourself and readers, and that Science may take the
valuable hints I have given her, I am

Yours truly,

ANDREW SCOGGIN.

* * * * *

INCREDIBLE CREDULITY.

A CABLE despatch from Paris to PUNCHINELLO (cost $8.62) announces that
the editor of La Verite has been sent to a cold and gloomy dungeon
for publishing false news,--a warning to the Sunny CHARLES, our
well-beloved neighbor! But the most mysterious part of the matter is,
that this editorial Frenchman actually published this false news upon
the doubly dubious authority of the Chevalier WICKOFF! Why, this gallant
adventurer is so well known in New York that if he should come into our
sanctum and tell us that we had fallen heirs to a neat fortune of
$500,000, we shouldn't believe him for a moment.

* * * * *

A POSITIVE ANALOGY.

The Positivists of New York, at a recent meeting, passed unanimously a
set of resolutions, in one of which they spoke of King WILLIAM of
Prussia as the modern ATTILA. As an admirer of that fine old barbarian,
Mr. PUNCHINELLO protests against such a slanderous attack upon his
historic reputation. ATTILA and the hordes he led were honest thieves,
who made no hypocritical pretences to virtue in order to hide their real
motives. They were plunderers by profession, and were not ashamed to
openly proclaim it. ATTILA himself, like any high-minded savage of his
crew, would have quickly avenged, as an insult, any attempt to ascribe
to him another motive for his action than the pure a