KER has decided that Assistant Marshals LAVINIA PURLEAR and
SARAH BURGOYNE (hear it, shades of NEY and BLUCHER!) are ineligible to
such a warlike title. General WALKER is not firm in his mind that
Marshals PURLEAR and BURGOYNE [would it be as well to say Marshal WALKER
and Generals PURLEAR and BURGOYNE?] are feminine. "These appear to be
the names of women," he says. Why might they not be the names of men? Is
there no right or reason in these days of domestic revolution for men to
name themselves LAVINIA and SARAH if they like it, and their wives like
it? And suppose LAVINIA and SARAH that ought to be, or might have been,
choose to call themselves MAHALALEEL and METHUSALEM--who's to prevent?
Why should not the Rev. Mr.---- style himself Miss NANCY if he pleases?
Why should not the Hon. Mr.---- rechristen himself BETTY if he has a
mind to? H'm! A pretty pass we are coming to if these women folks who
ask men's rights and take men's names won't lend us theirs! And alas,
alas, ye lasses! What if some-day ye do indeed abstract our census, and
marshal us into helpless minority. What if we have to disguise
ourselves, and shave our beards, and change our names even to get on the
police! Or will ye--ye bullying Syrens!--grow whiskers and wear
pantaloons, and put us in station-houses, and clear us out of the Census
altogether?

* * * * *

A LETTER FROM A FRIEND.

Friend PUNCHINELLO: Thee has doubtless sorrowed, in spite of thy motley,
with those bereft at Richmond. Circumstances made that disaster a
calamity which we have all felt in common. But thee knows that
"Blessings come often in disguise." Let us find what small comfort we
can in this thought.

Circumstances, however, alter cases. How different the feeling--how thin
the disguise would have been--had our Capitol fallen, at Harrisburg!
Before another Session we trust the proper spirit will move some
underpinning there, for the greater good of the Commonwealth. It was
formerly said that "Law is law;" but not even a Philadelphia lawyer now
knows what law is or what law is not--for "any thing" is law here
abouts. Of one result we may boast, if that be not sinful, we are ahead
of thy wicked city.. Thee had thy delinquent Tax Collector, _but thee
has him not_. We sorrowed, for we had him not, but now we rejoice in one
whose name is--not BAILEY--but HILL. We did not want him, but got him
involuntarily, as thee might get the small-pox.

Doubtles