had feared his
responsibilities, had undertaken them unwillingly, had mostly bungled
them, and the world would be far better off with anybody else as Emperor,
that everybody knew it and that he was despised by the whole Senate and
nobility and for that reason more unhappy although he was unhappy enough
so anyhow, without the covert jeers of the magistrates; whereas he was the
best gladiator ever and all gladiators and experts acknowledged and
acclaimed him peerless; as a gladiator he would be happy and enjoy life up
to whatever end came to him, preferably an unexpected accidental sudden
death such as had befallen Murmex. Ducconius Furfur had not only sat in
his throne at shows, but had received embassies, read better than he the
addresses composed for him by his Prefects of the Praetorium and
Secretaries, knew all the tricks of the office and could and would be a
better Emperor than ever he had been.

When Eclectus and Laetus argued with him the results were similar.

Then Marcia admonished him that while Furfur had escaped detection in mere
routine matters he was certain to be detected within a few days if he
essayed all the Imperial duties before all sorts of people. In that case
some sort of revolt would abolish him and put a new Emperor in place of
him and any such chosen autocrat would quickly order the death of Palus
the Gladiator to assure himself the throne. To this line of argument
Commodus had been as deaf as to all other lines.

"Why," he had said, "if I change clothes with Furfur you wouldn't know the
difference yourself. If we both were garbed as Emperor, Laetus wouldn't
know which to obey. And if my wife and most loyal servant cannot tell
which is which when we are side by side and habited alike, who will ever
suspect that Furfur is not I when I am out of the way, far off, living as
Palus the Swordsman, never alongside the Emperor or in sight at the same
time? The plan cannot miscarry."

He had announced that he meant on the Kalends of January to take up his
abode in the Choragium and leave the Palace and its adjuncts and all his
prerogatives to Ducconius Furfur. He had Furfur in and the five had a
heated wrangle. Furfur, after the discussion, had another with Marcia,
Eclectus and Laetus, declaring that he thought the scheme as insane as
they thought it, but dared not show reluctance for fear of being put to
death at once: as an impostor Emperor he would, at least, have a chance,
if a faint chance, of s