FREE BOOKS

Author's List




PREV.   NEXT  
|<   143   144   145   146   147   148   149   150   151   152   153   154   155   156   157   158   159   160   161   162   163   164   165   166   167  
168   169   170   171   172   173   174   175   176   177   178   179   180   181   182   183   184   185   186   187   188   189   190   191   192   >>   >|  
smile of a fugitive and unrelated kind as if she had been thinking of far-off things, then roused herself to grave animation. "He came in full of smiling playfulness. How well I know that mood! Such self-command has its beauty; but it's no great help for a man with such fateful eyes. I could see he was moved in his correct, restrained way, and in his own way, too, he tried to move me with something that would be very simple. He told me that ever since we became friends, we two, he had not an hour of continuous sleep, unless perhaps when coming back dead-tired from outpost duty, and that he longed to get back to it and yet hadn't the courage to tear himself away from here. He was as simple as that. He's a _tres galant homme_ of absolute probity, even with himself. I said to him: The trouble is, Don Juan, that it isn't love but mistrust that keeps you in torment. I might have said jealousy, but I didn't like to use that word. A parrot would have added that I had given him no right to be jealous. But I am no parrot. I recognized the rights of his passion which I could very well see. He is jealous. He is not jealous of my past or of the future; but he is jealously mistrustful of me, of what I am, of my very soul. He believes in a soul in the same way Therese does, as something that can be touched with grace or go to perdition; and he doesn't want to be damned with me before his own judgment seat. He is a most noble and loyal gentleman, but I have my own Basque peasant soul and don't want to think that every time he goes away from my feet--yes, _mon cher_, on this carpet, look for the marks of scorching--that he goes away feeling tempted to brush the dust off his moral sleeve. That! Never!" With brusque movements she took a cigarette out of the box, held it in her fingers for a moment, then dropped it unconsciously. "And then, I don't love him," she uttered slowly as if speaking to herself and at the same time watching the very quality of that thought. "I never did. At first he fascinated me with his fatal aspect and his cold society smiles. But I have looked into those eyes too often. There are too many disdains in this aristocratic republican without a home. His fate may be cruel, but it will always be commonplace. While he sat there trying in a worldly tone to explain to me the problems, the scruples, of his suffering honour, I could see right into his heart and I was sorry for him. I was sorry
PREV.   NEXT  
|<   143   144   145   146   147   148   149   150   151   152   153   154   155   156   157   158   159   160   161   162   163   164   165   166   167  
168   169   170   171   172   173   174   175   176   177   178   179   180   181   182   183   184   185   186   187   188   189   190   191   192   >>   >|  



Top keywords:
jealous
 

simple

 

parrot

 

gentleman

 

sleeve

 
movements
 
cigarette
 

brusque

 
damned
 

peasant


judgment

 

feeling

 
Basque
 

tempted

 
scorching
 

carpet

 
republican
 
disdains
 

aristocratic

 

commonplace


scruples

 

problems

 

suffering

 

honour

 

explain

 

worldly

 

uttered

 

slowly

 

speaking

 

unconsciously


dropped

 
fingers
 

moment

 

watching

 

quality

 
aspect
 

society

 
smiles
 

looked

 
fascinated

thought
 

perdition

 
restrained
 
correct
 

fateful

 

coming

 
continuous
 

friends

 
beauty
 

things