or two he went about commenting on what a
farce the whole thing was, how ridiculous to make any one eat what was
not suited to him, but just the same while he was there he ate them.

As for myself, I was very fond of large boiled potatoes and substantial
orders of fat and lean meat, and in consequence, having been so foolish
as to show this preference, I received but the weakest, most
contemptible and puling little spuds and pale orders of meat--with, it
is true, plenty of other "side dishes"; whereas a later table-mate of
mine, a distressed and neurasthenic society man, was receiving--I soon
learned he especially abhorred them--potatoes as big as my two fists.

"Now look at that! Now look at that!" he often said peevishly and with a
kind of sickly whine in his voice when he saw one being put before him.
"He knows I don't like potatoes, and see what I get! And look at the
little bit of a thing he gives you! It's a shame, the way he nags
people, especially over this food question. I don't think there's a
thing to it. I don't think eating a big potato does me a bit of good, or
you the little one, and yet I have to eat the blank-blank things or get
out. And I need to get on my feet just now."

"Well, cheer up," I said sympathetically and with an eye on the large
potato perhaps. "He isn't always looking, and we can fix it. You mash up
your big potato and put butter and salt on it, and I'll do the same with
my little one. Then when he's not looking we'll shift."

"Oh, that's all right," he commented, "but we'd better look out. If he
sees us he'll be as sore as the devil."

This system worked well enough for a time, and for days I was getting
all the potato I wanted and congratulating myself on my skill, when one
day as I was slyly forking potatoes out of his dish, moved helpfully in
my direction, I saw Culhane approaching and feared that our trick had
been discovered. It had. Perhaps some snaky waitress has told on us, or
he had seen us, even from his table.

"Now I know what's going on here at this table," he growled savagely,
"and I want you two to cut it out. This big boob here" (he was referring
to my esteemed self) "who hasn't strength of will or character enough to
keep himself in good health and has to be brought up here by his
brother, hasn't brains enough to see that when I plan a thing for his
benefit it is for his benefit, and not mine. Like most of the other
damned fools that come up here and waste their mo