had been so great and so many,
that there was no hope for him. He was not by far so much concerned for
his life as for his soul: what would become of that for ever. Now the
plague upon his body seemed nothing to that which was in his soul.
7. He not only cried out against his swearing, lying, and other outward
notorious sins; but was in great horror for the sin of his nature; the
vileness and original corruption of his heart. For this he was in so
great anguish that the trouble of his spirit made him forget the pain of
his body.
8. He very particularly confessed and bewailed his sins, and some sins
so secret that none in the world could charge him with.
9. He would ask others whether they thought there were any hopes for
him, and would beg of them to deal plainly with him; for he was greatly
afraid of being deceived.
10. Being informed how willing and ready the Lord Jesus Christ was to
accept of poor sinners, and being counselled to venture himself upon
Christ for mercy and salvation, he said he would fain cast himself upon
Christ, but he could not but wonder how Christ should die for such a
vile wretch as he was, and he found it one of the hardest things in the
world to believe.
11. But at last it pleased the Lord to give him some hope that there
might be mercy for him, the chief of sinners; and he was enabled to lay
hold upon that, "Come unto me all ye that are weary and heavy laden, and
I will give you rest." Nor was it long before he was full of praise and
admiration of God; so that, to speak in the words of one that was an eye
and ear witness, he was so full of joy and praise that he longed for
heaven.
12. He now grew exceedingly in knowledge, experience, patience,
humility, and self-abhorrence. He prayed before, but now the Lord poured
out upon him the spirit of prayer in an extraordinary manner; so that
now he prayed more frequently, more earnestly, more spiritually than
ever. O how eagerly would he beg to be washed in the blood of Jesus! And
that the King of kings, and Lord of lords, who was over heaven and
earth, would pardon and forgive him all his sins, and receive his soul
into his kingdom. And what he spoke was with so much life and fervour of
spirit, that it filled the hearers with astonishment and joy.
13. He had no small sense of the use and excellence of Christ, and such
longings and breathings of his soul after him, that when mention has
been made of Christ, he hath been ready to leap o
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