church twice that day with Mrs. Moore. Mr. Lovelace was at her house the
while, where he boarded, and wanted to have lodged; but I would not
permit that, though I could not help the other. In one of these spaces
it must be that he had time to work upon the man. You'll easily, my
dear, find that out, by inquiring the time of his arrival at Mrs. Moore's
and other circumstances of the strange way he pretended to see me in, on
a couch, and the rest.

Had any body seen me afterwards, when I was betrayed back to the vile
house, struggling under the operation of wicked potions, and robbed
indeed of my intellects (for this, as you shall hear, was my dreadful
case,) I might then, perhaps, have appeared bloated and flush-coloured,
and I know not how myself. But were you to see your poor Clarissa, now
(or even to have seen her at Hampstead before she suffered the vilest of
all outrages,) you would not think her bloated or flush-coloured: indeed
you would not.

In a word, it could not be me your messenger saw; nor (if any body) who
it was can I divine.

I will now, as briefly as the subject will permit, enter into the darker
part of my sad story: and yet I must be somewhat circumstantial, that you
may not think me capable of reserve or palliation. The latter I am not
conscious that I need. I should be utterly inexcusable were I guilty of
the former to you. And yet, if you know how my heart sinks under the
thoughts of a recollection so painful, you would pity me.

As I shall not be able, perhaps, to conclude what I have to write in even
two or three letters, I will begin a new one with my story; and send the
whole of it together, although written at different periods, as I am
able.

Allow me a little pause, my dear, at this place; and to subscribe myself

Your ever affectionate and obliged,
CLARISSA HARLOWE.

LETTER LXVII

MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE
[REFERRED TO IN LETTER XII.]
THURSDAY NIGHT.

He had found me out at Hampstead: strangely found me out; for I am still
at a loss to know by what means.

I was loth, in my billet of the 6th,* to tell you so, for fear of giving
you apprehensions for me; and besides, I hoped then to have a shorter and
happier issue to account to you for, through your assistance, than I met
with.

* See Vol. V. Letter XXXI.

[She then gives a narrative of all that passed at Hampstead between
herself, Mr. Lovelace, Capt. Tomlinson, and the women there, to the