osen by common consent, doubtless in virtue of these
attributes, as spokesman, proceeded to communicate to me in a very prosy
harangue, to which he appended a lecture--a sort of stock article, which
he evidently kept constantly on hand, with blanks which could be filled
up to suit any class of offenders. In this harangue he pointed out the
dangers of juvenile tricks, and the evils of dissipation, winding up
with the assurance that, as I seemed deeply sensible of the error of
my ways, they, the ~158~~magistrates, would, on my making a suitable
apology to that excellent public functionary, the Mayor of Hillingford,
graciously deign to overlook my misconduct. During his long-winded
address a new idea struck me, and when he had concluded I inquired, with
all due respect, whether 'I was to understand that it was quite certain
I had committed no offence punishable by law?' To this he replied, 'that
I might set my mind completely at ease upon that point; that though,
morally speaking, I had been guilty of a very serious misdemeanour, in
the eye of the law I was perfectly innocent'. 'In that case, gentlemen,'
replied I, 'the liberty of the subject has been infringed; I have been
kept in illegal confinement for some hours, and I believe I have my
remedy in an action for false imprisonment against Mr. Dullmug. Does not
the law bear me out in what I state?' Again they had recourse to their
books, and were unwillingly forced to confess that I was right.' Then,'
continued I, 'so far from making any apology to Mr. Dullmug, unless that
gentleman consents to beg _my_ pardon, and gives me a written apology
for the unjust and illegal prosecution to which he has subjected me,
I shall at once take the necessary steps to proceed against him.' Oh!
Frank, I would have given something to have had you there, old boy!
when I announced this determination; there was such a shindy as I
never before witnessed: old Dullmug was furious, and vowed he'd never
apologise: I declared if he didn't, nothing should prevent me from
bringing my action: the magistrates tried to persuade me, but I was
inflexible; and (by Jove! I was very near forgetting the best part of it
all) my governor, who was in court, the moment he found the law was on
my side, turned suddenly round, swore I had been shamefully used, and
that if it cost him every farthing he possessed in the world, he would
see justice done me. So the end of it was that old Dullmug was forced to
write the ap