do, and all his days and nights he writhes in the grip of
terrible instincts.

* * * * *

Yet, in the midst of the turbidness of adolescence, I was still two
distinct personalities. With my underground library of filth hidden
away where my father could not find it, at the same time I kept and
read my other books. The first were for the moments of madness and
curious ecstasy I had learned how to induce.

But my better self periodically revolted. And I took oath that I would
never again spew a filthy expression from my mouth or do an ill thing. I
suffered all the agonies of the damned in hell. I believe hell to be the
invention of adolescence.

Always, inevitably, I returned to my wallow and the gang.

* * * * *

We were not always loafing in front of the undertaker's shop. Sometimes
we were quite active. Many windows and street lamps were smashed. And we
derived great joy from being pursued by the "cops"--especially by a
certain fat one, for whom we made life a continual burden.

Once we went in a body to the outskirts of the town and stoned a
greenhouse. Its owner chased us across ploughed fields. We flung stones
back at him. One hit him with a dull thud and made him cry out with
pain, and he left off pursuing us. It was so dark we could not be
identified.

One of our favourite diversions was to follow mature lovers as they
strolled a-field, hoping to catch them in the midst of intimate
endearments.

* * * * *

My father received a raise of a few dollars in salary. As it was they
paid him too little, because he was easy-going. The additional weekly
money warranted our leaving the Jenkinses and renting four rooms all our
own, over the main street. This meant that I was to have a whole room to
myself, and I was glad ... a whole room where I could stand a small
writing desk and set up my books in rows. With an extreme effort I
burned my underground books.

* * * * *

All the women liked my father. He dressed neatly and well. His trousers
were never without their fresh crease. He was very vain of his neat
appearance, even to the wearing of a fresh-cut flower in his buttonhole.
This vanity made him also wear his derby indoors and out, because of his
entirely bald head.

Every time he could devise an excuse for going to the departments where
the women worked, he would do so, and flirt w