ning's armoury contains nothing more serviceable than
"schoolboy jokes and doggerel rhymes, an affronting petulance, and the
tones and gesticulations of Mr. Pitt." Perceval, instead of looking after
the national defences,

"will bestow the strictest attention on the smaller parts of
ecclesiastical government. In the last agonies of England he will
bring in a bill to regulate Easter offerings; and he will adjust the
stipends of curates, when the flag of France is unfurled on the hills
of Kent.[46]... Whatever can be done by very mistaken notions of the
piety of a Christian, and by very wretched imitations of the eloquence
of Mr. Pitt, will be done by these two gentlemen";

but these are no adequate defences against the genius and ambition of
Bonaparte. "There is nothing to oppose to the conqueror of the world but a
small table-wit, and the sallow Surveyor of the Meltings."[47]

Abraham, terrified by those prognostics, asks Peter if he thinks it
possible for England to survive the recent misfortunes of Europe. Peter
replies that if Bonaparte lives, and a great deal is not immediately
conceded to the Roman Catholics, England must perish, and perish in
disgrace.--

"It is doubly miserable to become slaves abroad, because we would be
tyrants at home; and to perish because we have raised up worse enemies
within, from our own bigotry, than we are exposed to without from the
unprincipled ambition of France."

Then he goes on to a famous apologue. England is a frigate, attacked by a
corsair of immense strength and size. The rigging is cut, there is water in
the hold, men are dropping off very fast, the peril is extreme. How do you
think the captain (whom we will call Perceval) acts? Does he call all hands
on deck and talk to them of king, country, glory, sweethearts, gin, French
prisons, wooden shoes, old England, and hearts of oak--till they give three
cheers, rush to their guns, and, after a tremendous conflict, succeed in
beating off the enemy?--

"Not a syllable of all this: this is not the manner in which the
honourable commander goes to work. The first thing he does is to
secure twenty or thirty of his prime sailors who happen to be
Catholics, to clap them in irons, and set over them a guard of as many
Protestants. Having taken this admirable method of defending himself
against his infidel opponents, he goes upon deck, reminds the sailors,
in a v