but I have no patience. I fret and tease myself, and fancy all
sorts of things, instead of trusting as she did. I don't know how to do
so.'

'I know how weakness brings swarming harassing thoughts,' said John;
'it is well for us that there are so many external helps to patience and
confidence.'

'Ah! that is what shows how bad I am,' said Violet, despondingly.
'I never keep my mind in order at church, yet I am sure I was more
unreasonably discontented when I was not able to go.'

'Which shows it is of use to you. Think of it not only as a duty that
must be fulfilled, but watch for refreshment from it, and you will find
it come.'

'Ah! I have missed all the great festivals this year. I have not stayed
to the full service since I was at Rickworth, and what is worse, I do
not dislike being prevented,' said Violet, falteringly; as if she must
say the words, 'I don't like staying alone.'

'You must conquer that,' said John, earnestly. 'That feeling must never
keep you away. Your continuance is the best hope of bringing him; your
leaving off would be fatal to you both. I should almost like you to
promise never to keep away because he did.'

'I think I can promise,' said Violet, faintly. 'It is only what mamma
has always had to do; and, last Christmas, it did keep me away. I did
think then he would have come; and when I found he did not--then I was
really tired--but I know I could have stayed--but I made it an excuse,
and went away.' The tears began to flow. 'I thought of it again when I
was ill; and afterwards when I found out how nearly I had been dying,
it was frightful. I said to myself, I would not miss again; but I have
never had the opportunity since I have been well.'

'It is monthly at home,' said John. 'Only try to look to it as a favour
and a comfort, as I said about church-going, but in a still higher
degree--not merely as a service required from you. Believe it is a
refreshment, and in time you will find it the greatest.'

'I'll try,' she said, in a low, melancholy voice; 'but I never feel as
good people do.'

'You have had more than usual against you,' said John; cares for which
you were not prepared, and weakness to exaggerate them; but you will
have had a long rest, and I hope may be more equal to the tasks of daily
life.'

They were interrupted by tea being brought; and the conversation
continued in a less serious style.

'Our last tea-drinking,' said John. 'Certainly, it has been very
pleasant