he turned up in the right place. Be
this as it may, when he had finished, a great many ladies and gentlemen
came up and complimented him very much, and said they had never seen a
beginner do anything like it before; and Mr. Augustus Cooper was
perfectly satisfied with himself, and everybody else into the bargain;
and 'stood' considerable quantities of spirits-and-water, negus, and
compounds, for the use and behoof of two or three dozen very particular
friends, selected from the select circle of five-and-seventy pupils.

Now, whether it was the strength of the compounds, or the beauty of the
ladies, or what not, it did so happen that Mr. Augustus Cooper
encouraged, rather than repelled, the very flattering attentions of a
young lady in brown gauze over white calico who had appeared particularly
struck with him from the first; and when the encouragements had been
prolonged for some time, Miss Billsmethi betrayed her spite and jealousy
thereat by calling the young lady in brown gauze a 'creeter,' which
induced the young lady in brown gauze to retort, in certain sentences
containing a taunt founded on the payment of four-and-sixpence a quarter,
which reference Mr. Augustus Cooper, being then and there in a state of
considerable bewilderment, expressed his entire concurrence in. Miss
Billsmethi, thus renounced, forthwith began screaming in the loudest key
of her voice, at the rate of fourteen screams a minute; and being
unsuccessful, in an onslaught on the eyes and face, first of the lady in
gauze and then of Mr. Augustus Cooper, called distractedly on the other
three-and-seventy pupils to furnish her with oxalic acid for her own
private drinking; and, the call not being honoured, made another rush at
Mr. Cooper, and then had her stay-lace cut, and was carried off to bed.
Mr. Augustus Cooper, not being remarkable for quickness of apprehension,
was at a loss to understand what all this meant, until Signor Billsmethi
explained it in a most satisfactory manner, by stating to the pupils,
that Mr. Augustus Cooper had made and confirmed divers promises of
marriage to his daughter on divers occasions, and had now basely deserted
her; on which, the indignation of the pupils became universal; and as
several chivalrous gentlemen inquired rather pressingly of Mr. Augustus
Cooper, whether he required anything for his own use, or, in other words,
whether he 'wanted anything for himself,' he deemed it prudent to make a
precipitate retre