had better speak.

FIRST FOOTMAN
You promised to begin.

MR. H.
They have something to say to me. The rascals want their wages raised, I
suppose; there is always a favour to be asked when they come smiling.
Well, poor rogues, service is but a hard bargain at the best. I think I
must not be close with them. Well, David--well, Jonathan.

FIRST FOOTMAN
We have served your honour faithfully----

SECOND FOOTMAN
Hope your honour won't take offence----

MR. H.
The old story, I suppose--wages?

FIRST FOOTMAN
That's not it, your honour.

SECOND FOOTMAN
You speak.

FIRST FOOTMAN
But if your honour would just be pleased to----

SECOND FOOTMAN
Only be pleased to----

MR. H.
Be quick with what you have to say, for I am in haste.

FIRST FOOTMAN
Just to----

SECOND FOOTMAN
Let us know who it is----

FIRST FOOTMAN
Who it is we have the honour to serve.

MR. H.
Why me, me, me; you serve me.

SECOND FOOTMAN
Yes, Sir; but we do not know who you are.

MR. H.
Childish curiosity! do not you serve a rich master, a gay master, an
indulgent master?

FIRST FOOTMAN
Ah, Sir! the figure you make is to us, your poor servants, the principal
mortification.

SECOND FOOTMAN
When we get over a pot at the public-house, or in a gentleman's kitchen,
or elsewhere, as poor servants must have their pleasures--when the
question goes round, who is your master? and who do you serve? and one
says, I serve Lord So-and-so, and another, I am Squire Such-a-one's
footman----

FIRST FOOTMAN
We have nothing to say for it, but that we serve Mr. H.

SECOND FOOTMAN
Or Squire H.

MR. H.
Really you are a couple of pretty modest, reasonable personages; but I
hope you will take it as no offence, gentlemen, if, upon a dispassionate
review of all that you have said, I think fit not to tell you any more
of my name, than I have chosen for especial purposes to communicate to
the rest of the world.

FIRST FOOTMAN
Why then, Sir, you may suit yourself.

SECOND FOOTMAN
We tell you plainly, we cannot stay.

FIRST FOOTMAN
We don't chuse to serve Mr. H.

SECOND FOOTMAN
Nor any Mr. or Squire in the alphabet----

FIRST FOOTMAN
That lives in Chris-cross Row.

MR. H.
Go, for a couple of ungrateful, inquisitive, senseless rascals! Go hang,
starve, or drown!--Rogues, to speak thus irreverently of the alphabet--I
shall live to see you glad to serve old Q--to curl the wig of great
S--adjust the dot of little i--stand behind the chair of X