he was
close to her. He was reluctant to break it up, but he felt she was only
half-responding, not giving anything of herself while he had given all.
He drew back a step.

She did not have time to hide the expression of distaste that
involuntarily crossed her face. He watched the expression on her face as
she realized the kiss was over. He watched her silently.

"Someday, maybe," he said. She stared at him, not hiding the fear that
was starting to grow on her face.

He felt a cold chill deep in his stomach, and it grew until it passed
through his throat and into his head.

"Yeah," he said. "Someday, maybe. But not you. Not anyone who's just
playing games. That's all--you want something to tell your friends
about, that's why you volunteered for tonight's assignment. It's all you
can do to keep from laughing at me, but you're sticking to it. I don't
want any of it, hear me? Get away."

She stepped back a pace. "You ugly, clumsy clown. You ape!" Tears began
to spoil the flawless mask of her face. Blinded with anger, he grabbed
roughly for her arm, but she broke away and dashed back inside.

She was trying to collect me, he thought. Her hobby: interesting dates.
She wanted to add me to her collection. An Experience. Calmly he walked
to the end of the veranda and stared off into the night, choking his
rage. He watched the moon making its dead ride across the sky, and
stared at the sprinkling of stars. The night was empty and cold, he
thought, finally. But not more so than I.

* * * * *

He turned and looked back through the half-opened window. He saw a girl
who looked almost like her, but was not tall enough and wore a different
dress. Then he spotted her. She was dancing with one of the Conforms, a
frail-looking man a few inches shorter than she, with regular, handsome
features. She laughed at some sly joke, and he laughed with her.

Rolf watched the moon for a moment more, thinking of Laney's warning.
_They just want to make fun of you. Look at the big ape, they'll say._

He knew he had to get out of there immediately. He was a Spacer, and
they were Earthers, and he scorned them for being contemptuous little
dolls, and they laughed at him for being a hulking ape. He was not a
member of their species; he was not part of their world.

He went inside. Kal Quinton came rushing up to him.

"I'm going," Rolf said.

"What? You don't mean that," the little man said. "Why, the party's